Tuesday, September 27, 2011

All's Well That Ends Well

Hi There World,

I guess Damon's career and reputation didn't actually get hurt badly at all by that unfortunate remark that came from the person who then was No Longer a Celebrity Boxing Opponent! Look here, Damon Feldman is doing Just Fine.

Everybody's happy! Amy Fischer and Octomom are now a lesbian couple! (Just Kidding.) Michael Lohan and Damon Feldman are best best best friends again!!!! And there was no press, good or bad, about last Saturday night's fight in Springfield. He was all sore and of Hurt Feelings, but guess what, it was all in his Brain Damaged Imagination. Nobody actually cared what anybody said about anybody.

I hope this does not mean the end of my purpose in Life. Well to be honest I have much much more purpose than just standing up for Damon Feldman, but this Blog doesn't. If he keeps doing ok all oh his own without my support, I'm going to have to find some other pitiful Cause and start a whole new blog. I am lazy though, and Damon's like a malformed puppy I'm trying to save from being Euthanized, so I'm attached to the Cause of him and I really hope I don't have to give it up!!! I love Damon Feldman.

But he doesn't even know I exist! I bet he'd be so happy if he knew he was not all Alone out there!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Damon Feldman, DO SOMETHING!

Dear World!

It is my sad duty to report that Damon Feldman has apparently kept his nose (or at least his record) clean for the last few weeks. No scandals to speak of, and that means, nothing for me to defend him against! Come on, somebody please rag on him or accuse him of something sleazy so that this blog will have a reason to exist!

I haven't even seen any news about his most recent Octomom event. Who won? Who knows! Who cares? I kind of care... But mostly I don't want to have to wait till something happens with Amy Fisher (his new trainee) to write another blog post. I want to be his champion NOW!

In other news, Lindsay is thinking of making up with her Dad, on the condition that he drops that ridiculous idea for a reality show. Helping a bunch of stupid kids "manage" their lives in attemtping to make it in Hollywood? I can't think of anything more stupid. Except for Damon Feldman agreeing to produce it! I don't know why he'd do such a thing, especially to the guy who either punched him out or just pretended to for publicity. This is the same guy who talked poor Damon out of killing himself.

Then something about Damon making out with his girlfriend... which I find hard to believe anyway. Nobody wants to make out with Damon, which is just part of the tragedy of being Brain Injured. Only other Brain Injured people are not creepy if they want to do that. But he's HOT so don't worry about that. Damon, don't feel bad no matter what, because you are both cool and HOT. HOT, HOT, HOT!!!

I don't understand why the last fight isn't on the web anyway. I talked to someone who talked to someone else who said they saw it on the news, but they didn't say who won. Well obviously Octomom won, that's a given. If she didn't keep winning she couldn't keep "boxing" for a living and that is a commitment Damon has made to her because he loves children! I bet he would even marry her and help raise them, except she won't let him because she is Celibate (the one thing that makes me respect her.)

This is boring, this thing of no outrages, no scandals. Somebody please do something.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The Tragedy of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

Hello World!

Here is where I finally take the time to explain why Damon Feldman seriously can't help being the way he is, and so people should not call him names. Regardless of how he got this way (which he won't talk about at all, according to my research) this is how he is. And it's a way of being that I know all too intimately.

My Uncle Thaddeus McDonald was a renowned Forensic Entomologist, until the year 1967 when he got into an unfortunate scuffle with a police officer and his Baton, during a Peace rally. My dad was there and saw the whole thing and that was part of what inspired him to get his name legally changed from Michael McDonald to Michael McPeace. But that's beside the point, because the point is what happened afterward to my Uncle Thaddeus.

He went to the hospital but the cops denied everything and of course he couldn't prove it even though there were a ton of witnesses on his side. So it got written off as him falling down, and back then people didn't go around suing each other all the time anyway. So he was on his own, with a huge case of Brain Damage, and his career came to a screeching halt.

I wasn't born yet so I never even knew him before the Damage. But I sure do know what he was like afterward, the whole time I was growing up, even though he was old by then but people told me he was like that ever since the Baton Incident. Like what? He was a walking tragedy. He was still smart, but he was VOLATILE and all the time he was thinking about who had fucked him over and ruined his life, and plotting revenge. It never worked out (the revenge) because mostly it was all in his head. But he was angry all the time. He lost so much of his brain power but he was still smart enough to know what he'd lost. And I have learned that with TBI the anger is something you just don't get OVER. It's there to stay.

Damon Feldman had it even worse, because it's not clear if he was smart or not to begin with, but he never had a real education or even a real family & no one ever taught him how to be a proper man (or human.) He had to try & figure it all out on his own. And try having Brain Damage on top of that! He's stuck for life with anger and paranoia and a huge sense of injustice and desires for revenge and feelings of that he's victimized. He can't see that he might be the cause of any of his problems. He never will. It won't help to try & tell him.

He will never be any better-looking or any smarter. There's pretty much no chance that he will ever learn how to read or write properly. And he'll never be any more together than he is now (which is tragic in itself.) And on top of all that, he probably has headaches. The poor guy, it's so sad I'm almost making myself cry by writing this! But not quite. I'm going to go running now and get my mind on other things, like the wonderful beauty of the fact that I don't have any brain damage!!!!!!!!!

Octomom: Afraid? Impossible!

Dear World!

I was so looking forward to watching Jenna Wikler get her ass handed to her tomorrow night in Springfield, MA. Not that I was actually going to go - those tickets were really expensive and I would have had to travel from NYC and then even pay for a hotel because I don't know anyone in Springfield - WHO DOES??? No one, that's who. So I was going to wait & see it on YouTube and plus, I read that it was going to be put up on Vimeo.com by the Mardi Gras Gentleman's Club, which was the venue.

I suppose I'll still be watching the fight, but sadly only two women are fighting Octomom now, Patty Petite and Deanna Superior. Jenna Wikler is not a contestant anymore. I would put all the details here except I don't know them. All I know is that all of these Ladies she was the most buff and I heard rumors that she trained with a former Real Life Boxer, so all I can think is that Octomom got afraid.

But there was also that thing where Damon was mad at her for calling him a name and complaining that she didn't want to sell tickets for him. I can't take a position on that because I don't know why she would have to sell tickets, or why she wouldn't want to anyway. I mean I wouldn't want to, but that's from my personal morals against selling things. I prefer to give things away! What goes around comes around.

Well she was disqualified, according to a Source who asked to please stay Anonymous. This source only told me that she was told not to come and Damon didn't want  her around and he felt like she was questioning his integrity. I have one thing to say to her and one thing only: you have ripped off everyone who paid $30 to see three women fight and now there will only be two! And also, if it's true you were training, that's against your agreement because they specifically asked for women with No Boxing Experience allowed!!! And one more thing, what were you thinking hurting the reputation of a man suffering from a very personal and private case of Brain Damage????????????????

Well, I say to Damon: chin up. Don't worry about people being mad. People will be glad she didn't come, because who wants to see Octomom fail? I mean besides everyone. But it sure wouldn't have made a good fight for her to get knocked out in the first round. And also, Damon, you are a true and Bona Fide Hero of Epic Proportions because even though SOME PERSON refused to sell tickets, you agreed to donate a thousand dollars anyway. And I know for a fact that this is above and beyond the call of duty, because you specifically were very careful to never commit to anything and were vague when anyone asked you about the money for the Tornado Relief. Because if the girls didn't sell enough tickets that money has to come out of your own pocket! It's a tragedy. You have little mouths to feed called Children.

My Anonymous source said something about Jenna Wikler getting mad because Patty Petite was saying publicly and on the news that the fight was for a good cause, and that was misleading if it really wasn't for a good cause at all. Most Reasonable People would realize that no one expects any money to actually go to the Cause, and even if it did, even if it was TWO thousand dollars it wouldn't make a tiny little dent in what is needed to relieve the suffering from the tornado, so don't expect miracles! It was a way to get people to come, and it would have worked if Someone hadn't gone and suggested (in a leaked email) that it was a scam. The same Someone complained about the rigged fights but I am telling you, who cares? You are a total retarded idiot if you expect the fights to be, like, regulation or something. Like Damon rightfully says ALL THE TIME, it's a NOVELTY fight and that means anything goes and it's all in good fun! You can't expect rules to be followed, because there are no rules.

And this is a NOVELTY blog because it's all in good fun, even though it is so heartfelt because of the heartbreak of Brain Damage and especially the poignancy of how he doesn't even talk about it. People would like him so much better if they knew. He'd be a celebrity boxing hero instead of getting called names. It just shows what a true Hero he is that he doesn't even use it for an excuse when it would be totally justified.

My personal opinion is that he should be more open about it, because it would stop a lot of the ridicule in its tracks. It's one thing to be a grown man who is in the public eye but can hardly read or write. It's another thing when the fact that he can't read or write is not his fault at all (except for that he put himself in the Ring and everyone knows there's a risk of Brain Damage from boxing. That is why I will never be a boxer, ever!!!) He could get sympathy but instead he braves the waters of public opinion all on his own without revealing his handicap.

I have to reveal it here, and talk about it openly, because I just can't take it watching how much people pick on him and they don't know what they're doing. I still haven't talked about what it's like to have Traumatic Brain Injury but I happen to know a LOT about it because of personal experience with a family member and that is my next blog entry so stay tuned!!!

And Jenna Wikler good luck ever getting anyone to think about boxing you again! You suck. You should have not complained, and gone out in the street and done whatever it took to sell a lot of tickets, because that is the only way that Damon can make his money back, especially now that you forced him to commit to a whole thousand dollars. He wouldn't have had to do that if you hadn't been a total beeee-yotch! So there.

Damon Feldman, though I would never sleep with you EVER, I am in your corner and on your side, both. If you ever need someone to stand up for you on the news or something you can count on me to be your Champion because I am full of Peace, Love, and Understanding. Which is apparently very rare.

P.S. My Source thought it could be because Octomom was afraid, because why would Damon care if some dumb girl is mad at him for something that's not his fault. But I have seen Octomom and she has Fists of Fury and there's no way she'd be afraid of anything EVER! She had 8 kids at once after all. I would be afraid of exploding if that happened to me, and I'd be afraid to box even if it was against total losers wearing big novelty gloves. She's not afraid of anything at all, ever. I'm sure of that because if she was she would go into hiding. I am right, as always!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Damon Feldman Can Kick Your ASS!!! (But he'll probably just sue it.)

People should know better than to mess with Damon Feldman. Nobody walks away from that without suffering a little consequences! Not even the sidewalk he tripped & fell on, which he credits for ending his boxing career (he doesn't like to talk about That Fateful Day in the Ring that caused his brain damage.) He sued that sidewalk's ASS and WON!!! I'm not even lying. He didn't win a lot of money though, because I guess the judge didn't really think he would have had a big bright future as "The Jewish Bomber". So loss of future earnings didn't make him rich.

So he moved on to bigger and brighter things, suing Jose Canseco for trying to play him for a fool (what kind of fool do they think he is, anyway?) by sending his twin brother in to fight in his place.

But he's not just suing the people what done him wrong! He will also sue anybody who calls him a bad name, such as "sleaze". And don't think just because you're the in the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) that he'll let you off easy!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there it is. Now, if I could give Damon Feldman advice I'd suggest maybe he stop acting certain ways that get labeled by people a certain way and then he gets upset and has to sue them. But it wouldn't do any good to advise him, because with Traumatic Brain Injury there is no more learning. He can't change and he can't stop being how he is. The only thing there is to do is for everybody to clear out of his path and if he makes you mad, just suck it up and don't say a word! Because if he sues you, just consider yourself lucky he didn't kick your ass, because he's a HUGE GUY!!! And if he didn't have a bad back he probably would kick your ass seriously for real.

If any of these lawsuits ever get finished I hope we can find out if it's a good way to make a living. Because it's clear he's counting on it as his primary source of income. So don't be fooled when he goes and upsets you. Don't be a chump and react! You'll be making him rich. And the really sad thing is he needs the money because of child support payments. So you won't even be able to feel bad that it's going to a bad cause because it's actually going to feed and clothe helpless little children!

Damon Feldman may be challenged but he's got a plan and you don't want to mess with that.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Octomom Opponent Back-Stabs Damon: NOT IN MY BACK YARD!

Hello World,

Wow, the world of Celebrity Boxing is so riddled with angry people! But one of them, at least, wasn't expecting to have to explain herself better. But now she will. Have you all seen this?

Jenna Wikler rants on Philebrity.com about poor Damon, heartlessly

I have contacted this girl for an exclusive interview because if she thinks she's so great that she can go around back-stabbing Damon Feldman behind his back, instead of facing him in the Ring like a real fighter, she can do it to my face right here on this blog! That's right World, Jenna Wikler now has to answer to ME!!!!!!

Among the other questions readers want to know: If she thinks he sucks so bad, why did she sign on in the first place? Also, does she really think she can beat Octomom? Also, does she understand that Damon Feldman has FEELINGS just like anybody else? I will be letting her know that whether she knew it or not, she called names to someone with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and that is like kicking someone when they're down, as well as backstabbing!!!

Coming soon: The Tragedy of Living with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

HOT? or Not?

Yes, I said he's totally hot! But for the record I would never sleep with him, because that would be taking advantage. Like a camp counselor sleeping with a really hot camper. The job of the camp counselor is more to make sure that the really hot camper doesn't get him or herself into a lot of trouble, and help guide them to being a good responsible adult.

You know how sometimes you see a really hot chick on the street, but then you realize it's a teenage boy and all of a sudden you're totally repulsed? Well he's kind of like that, only the opposite. I mean, I found him totally repulsive at first, until I realized everything he's been through and how he struggles just to get by like a normal adult human, and then all of a sudden he was beautiful to me! I know it probably sounds sick. But Damon Feldman is a person too! It's just that it would be wrong to sleep with him unless you are also suffering a challenge, or if you are a professional. Or if you just don't realize he's playing with less than a full deck, then I suppose you would be innocent of molesting.

I want to encourage his self-esteem and help him get back on his feet, and that is why I am going on the record saying he is totally HOT! But he's not my type. You know who is my type? My friend Lindsey Lohan! And you want to know how she and I came to be friends, especially since I have such high standards for friends and will not be friends with just anybody, and most people hate her almost as much as they hate Damon Feldman! But I love Lindsay. And how I met her is a story that No Power On This Earth will get me to tell you. Probably. I think! :-)

See For Yourself!!!!